My fiance and I have been trying to move everything into either our storage unit or his house to prepare for my move. Since my last post i've been able to go through some of my boxes that were scattered through out the house, and I was able to throw away at least a box worth. I will be more brutal later on when we get settled down.
A lot has happened emotionally over the passed few weeks. I've gone through a lot of pain. I've clung to someones rotting dead body for a few years now hoping to bring them back to life. There rotting corpse begun to taint my healthy body, creating sores on my arms, and legs. These sores became infected, and it began to systematically spread through out my body. The smell of the body was horrible, and the flies laid maggots inside the body. I tried to prevent birds from picking at the body, feasting on the flesh. Apparently I had been clinging on to the body for a few years, and I didn't realize what it was doing to my body until I was able to release my self from it. Now that I am away from the body and turned toward Jesus, I have begun to heal. Several times i've wanted to get back down on the ground again and cling to that dead body. I wanted to believe it was alive. I had to let it go. It was killing me. Only God can resurrect it. I can only pray. I remind my self everyday not to go back to the body.
Sin is nasty,
Sin is poison,
For years i've been told. I didn't understand. Now I do. It poisons every fiber of its victims soul. Traps them in chains of burden, guilt, anger, and addiction. They can never move on until they give there sin up to God. They can not control it their selves nor can the ones who love them. I fought for them, i've cried for them, I began to kill my self for them, but they never turned away from it. Maybe for only a short period of time, but they just went back and continued there destructive sin. Broken promises, broken relationships is the result of sin. I love this person, so much. But I had to let go. They were going down to the grave, and they were bringing me with them. I trust God will help me with this process of letting go, and moving on. I will cling to the hope that God may one day heal them, but I will not cling to them any longer. I love you, I always will. When you are ready, I will be here. Just know, I will know when you are being genuine or fake. God is the only one that can rid you of your sin. You can not do it on your own. He is the only one that can save you from it.