I finally got my camera almost 2 weeks ago. I've been recording, editing, and posting videos on YouTube. My 21 day fix has been put on halt because I literally had to scrape by with about 20 dollars for the past 2 weeks. In this small amount of time I have realized that I don't need a large amount of money or material items to scrape by on a day to day basis. My perspective began to change when I moved into my original very small room again, and I have put the majority of my belongings in a storage unit, and the others are in boxes through out the house. I haven't been going through the boxes needing things either, I mean, I have a little. But most of the stuff I own, I don't use. I have come to realize that most of the stuff I own that are in the boxes in my house are sentimental. I barely even remember what I have in those boxes. Let me give you some background to the perspective I have had since I could walk. Hold on to things, don't ever let go. I invested my emotions and attachments in my toys. If I threw something away or even thought about it I was struck with guilt as if I was dumping a best friend. I had very strong emotions for my toys. Eventually I accumulated so many toys that I had two large toy boxes full of my toys. My room was a mess, and I would rarely clean it up. It got to the point where one of my parental figures would go through my room and toss out the toys that they thought I didn't care for anymore, but a little girl like me still cared for them, as if they were old friends if mine. I thought this attachment I had for my toys was normal, until I have been able to watch my nieces and nephews, and watch there reactions to when there toys break, or are taken away. There reactions aren't the same as mine were. One of my parental figures (I will not mention there name or gender, because I want to protect this individual) was quite distant compared to other parental figures. Yes, they loved me, and love me as much as they can love. This person also does not easily let go of things, they hold on to things that seem like junk and crap to others. The behavior they show, is learned from there parental figure. I don't think they can help it, because they thought it was normal. Not until they figure out that it wasn't normal, and look at there own behavior only then they can change their behavior. Why would someone throw away something they've known there whole life, that they've used every day, if they didn't know it wasn't acceptable? What if for example, a group of individuals in the amazon have arranged marriages, a couple of children are predestined by there family for marriage around the time pubescent age; and this is how couples are to be married, and reproduce. This activity is accepted in their culture. This is right in their own eyes. Now in a culture in which we Americans live in, this practice is not common, and it isn't accepted. Because to us it is not "normal", and can be considered taboo.
The behavior my parental figure has practiced is not accepted as "normal" to the general public. I feel one must come to their own conclusions about what is "normal" and accepted, to what is not. I have come to accept it as not "normal" behavior. Behavior that I do not want to repeat, and behavior that I currently do practice. I do not like this behavior, and I feel that it is not healthy for me emotionally, mentally, and maybe if it got worse, physically. I feel that it is best for me as an individual to not accept this behavior, and turn away from it.
I've mentioned that I practice the behavior my parental figure has practiced. I will hold on to things even though they don't have any logical practical application to my every day life. The only reason why I do not want to let it go is for emotional stability. Let me give you some perspective/insight. I've gone through my old toys in the attic a few years back, and when I was picking through my toys, I saw a toy, and I remembered a old forgotten memory. This toy was actually able to trigger a old forgotten memory that may have never come back to me if I didn't have that old toy. The fear of forgetting your past is a strong fear for individuals like me i'm sure. Though, I have not actually thought about throwing my toys out at all. I'm not sure if i'd ever be ready for that, nor i'm not sure if I really need to, since they only really fill a box worth.
But what I have thought about doing, is going through my boxes through out the house, and seeing what I need to throw away. I have many, many papers worth of old school work, sketches, stories, poems, and I don't know what else. I literally have not looked through those boxes in the past 2 years at least. Which means, I really don't need them. I do know, that I have at least 2 large boxes of books that i've collected over the years of living; those I also need to go through and throw out the ones that I can bare to throw out. When I begin to throw out things, I always begin to think, someone else can use this, and then I start a bag of those things, and forget to give it to a good will, I never actually complete that next step. Then I would forget why those things are in a bag, and just put it back where they were.
My perspective hasn't only just changed because of me moving into my old room again but it began to change since high school. Something happened in my best friends family, and he had to move to something much smaller then what he was used to. He was forced to rid of most of his child hood belongings. I wasn't aware at the time what was actually going on, and I don't know how he reacted when he had to get rid of most of it. But, I do know that he still to this day doesn't have a lot of "stuff", and he generally keeps everything in his possession organized, and on a need or really want basis. He even organized his closet by shirt color. This behavior that he has exhibited apparently has a large role in how i've begun to shape my perspective.
Since i've begun to do research on small apartments/studios, i've found out that humans really don't need a lot to survive and be happy. YouTube has really helped me in the beginning of this journey. It has given me a perspective that I did not know would of existed with out it.
More to come in this same post. Need to go to work.
